What does it mean, then, to love it all when anger arises? First of all, it means accepting ourselves in our emotional reaction instead of judging the anger and ourselves as not ok, or feeling guilty or even ashamed about it.
I write a column for Main Street, the English newspaper in the Laurentians, that has ‘Loving it All’ as a title. So some of you, including myself at points, must wonder whether this is a realistic proposition. Can we really love it all? And if we do, what about all the emotions and thoughts that are far from being positive, let alone loving?
So I got really pissed off today! It was over an exchange I had with a good friend of mine. The details don’t really matter. Anger showed up … and it inspired me to write about how ‘loving it all’ could apply to it.
I just want to say that I don’t have all the answers. I’m a human being learning to live her life, just as you are. I’m also a therapist, counselor and workshop leader, helping others to live their life better and less painfully. So I spend more time dealing with and reflecting on these themes than most people, and that’s certainly a qualifying mark. But the fact that I can have quite a temper myself is probably even more à propos. I know what I’m talking about!
I just want to say that I don’t have all the answers. I’m a human being learning to live her life, just as you are. I’m also a therapist, counselor and workshop leader, helping others to live their life better and less painfully. So I spend more time dealing with and reflecting on these themes than most people, and that’s certainly a qualifying mark. But the fact that I can have quite a temper myself is probably even more à propos. I know what I’m talking about!
And this brings me to my main point. Loving it all doesn’t mean that we’ll actually love everything that we come across in our lives. It cannot possibly imply this, because that’s not how we’re hardwired as human beings. We’re not made to just have positive emotions, so we can’t possibly aspire to that. We wouldn’t be human if we did. We’d be some new age robots, or like the fictitious inhabitants of the classic novel, Brave New World.
What does it mean, then, to love it all when anger arises? First of all, it means accepting ourselves in our emotional reaction instead of judging the anger and ourselves as not ok, or feeling guilty or even ashamed about it. Even if we don’t want to get pissed off or angry, we can still allow ourselves to have an understandable reaction. For most people, negative emotions are not under their control, they just pop up as it were. If we’re more used to working with ourselves at this level, we start to have more choice over how to respond. But there’ll continue to be situations where a knee-jerk emotional reflex hits us before we can catch it.
So this, in fact, is what needs our love and acceptance most: our very human emotional challenges, and ourselves as and when we are so challenged. And here is where it gets interesting. To the extent that we can love ourselves like this, we’ll also be able to let go of our criticism of others when they are grappling with their own reactions. Nobody is perfect in this department, including ourselves. When we realize this, we’ve come a long way on the road to loving it all.
It’s good, of course, to learn not to take our anger out on others. It’s best expressed in a way that doesn’t attack or hurt. Learning this is easier when we don’t get stuck in guilt or shame about it, or assume that we’re right. Ultimately, it’s all about allowing ourselves to be human without taking our reactions too seriously. Emotions tend to pass anyway unless we’re intent on holding on to them, like a dog to a bone.
So next time, when another angry bone happens to get caught between your teeth, do some growling if you must, love yourself anyway, and drop the bone as soon as you can. Apologize if need be, and then have a good laugh about it all!
Images by freedigitalphotos.net.
What does it mean, then, to love it all when anger arises? First of all, it means accepting ourselves in our emotional reaction instead of judging the anger and ourselves as not ok, or feeling guilty or even ashamed about it. Even if we don’t want to get pissed off or angry, we can still allow ourselves to have an understandable reaction. For most people, negative emotions are not under their control, they just pop up as it were. If we’re more used to working with ourselves at this level, we start to have more choice over how to respond. But there’ll continue to be situations where a knee-jerk emotional reflex hits us before we can catch it.
So this, in fact, is what needs our love and acceptance most: our very human emotional challenges, and ourselves as and when we are so challenged. And here is where it gets interesting. To the extent that we can love ourselves like this, we’ll also be able to let go of our criticism of others when they are grappling with their own reactions. Nobody is perfect in this department, including ourselves. When we realize this, we’ve come a long way on the road to loving it all.
It’s good, of course, to learn not to take our anger out on others. It’s best expressed in a way that doesn’t attack or hurt. Learning this is easier when we don’t get stuck in guilt or shame about it, or assume that we’re right. Ultimately, it’s all about allowing ourselves to be human without taking our reactions too seriously. Emotions tend to pass anyway unless we’re intent on holding on to them, like a dog to a bone.
So next time, when another angry bone happens to get caught between your teeth, do some growling if you must, love yourself anyway, and drop the bone as soon as you can. Apologize if need be, and then have a good laugh about it all!
Images by freedigitalphotos.net.